Scientology Jokes That Would Count As Blasphemy


Just so everyone understands, joking is not allowed in Scientology.

You get sent to Ethics and will probably undergo sec checking (confessional).

Here is the theory:

“Joking & Degrading” or J&D in Scientology slang is done because the person had committed serious harmful acts and now he has to attack that entity to “prove that it is bad” and therefore the harmful acts against it are “justified” and therefore he will not “feel bad” because of them.

Therefore the handling is to “pull” the person’s overs and withholds, and as a result, after doing all the ethics stuff that goes with a confessional, the person will stop being J&D.

This is despite the fat that LRH’s lectures are loaded with jokes…

Darth Vader scientologist

Scientology Joke #1

How does a Scientologist rob a bank?

He says:

“Hands up.”

“Thank you.”

“Give me the money.”

“Thank you.”

Scientology Joke #2

The Scientologist goes to heaven and, when he passes through heaven’s gates, he sees LRH sitting on a throne.

Scientologist says, “Ron, I always knew you were God!”

LRH answers, “No, actually I am not God. I had to send him to Cramming (correction) and I am holding his post from above.”

Scientology Joke #3

L. Ron Hubbard dies and goes to heaven.

At the gate he is asked, “What’s your name?”

He answers, “L. Ron Hubbard.”

“Are you that L. Ron Hubbard?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Alright, you need to come with us.”

He is taken to another room, where he is introduced to Jesus Christ.

Jesus’ writs are bleeding and he says to Ron,

“I hear that you are that L. Ron Hubbard. Is that true?”

“Yes it is.”

“Can you run this freaking engram out so that I don’t have to live with this pain in my wrist???”


Scientology Joke #4

Q; Why did the Flagship Apollo get sunk?

A: Because it had a leak and they couldn’t get the plug through FP (Financial Planning committee that approves all expenses and operates very slow.)

Scientology Joke #5

How many Scientologists does it take to replace a lightbulb?

None: the lightbulb must find $80,000 dollars to become clear, then it will have the self-determinism to change itself.

7. 1 to hold the light bulb in place, 6 to turn the universe around.

35 to write ethics chits about it being blown, 7 members of the FP committee to approve the purchase order, 1 to change it, and a Security Guard to inspect that it was changed.

Scientology Joke #6

A preclear, a clear and an OT are in a restaurant.

There is no waiter.

The preclear says ‘my TR’s are good, I will make the waiter come by looking at him’.

The waiter doesn’t notice.

Clear says ‘my intention is so good i will make waiter come over’.

The waiter doesn’t notice.

The OT stands up and yells, ‘Waiter!’

And the waiter comes over.

Leave a comment if you know any other Scn jokes. Support my fundraiser.

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